QUEST FOR PLAYER 2: Worst Superheroes To Bring Home For The Holidays

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When you think of holidays you think of gifts, food, family gatherings. Of course; if you happen to have a significant other OR are a close friend without family in town during the holidays; you end up meeting family. It’s inevitable, and something EVERYONE does. Including superheroes. The only problem is, not every superhero will get that RSVP. “Why is that?” {I heard no one ask} well, let me tell you why with our list of The Worst Superheroes to bring home for the holidays.

Starting off our list is a sure fire conversation starter…

 

Everyone loves an intellectual, but avoid Reed Richards at all costs. He’ll just see your family as Guinea Pigs for his experiments. Don’t believe me, just ask his wife, brother-in-law, and best friend. Spoiler alert: They all hate their lives now.

Rogue; though she’s indestructible she is clumsy and has a thing for older men. All you need is a slip and fall near grandpa and she will regail you with tales of his borderline racist acts at the pharmacist and mysogonistic pre-me too era stories that he promised he’d never share in public accompanied with the tagline of “it was a different time”

Next up we have John Constantine, the dude is like the crack head, black sheep cousin of the family. If he’s not stealing from you he’s, holding your 12 y/o neice’s soul as collateral in what can only be described as the biggest highstakes poker game known to man. Here’s a hint: He always loses.

Who can forget Swampthing; nothing’s worse than a vegan that won’t shut up about being a vegan. You just know he’ll bring a pan of dirt and frequently passive aggressively inquire if everyone has tried some. THAT and he’ll probably end up selling shrooms and weed to your hipster aunt by telling her “they’re organic… trust me I grew them myself”

Stargirl; this should go without saying but, it’s never good to bring an underaged vixen to a boozie family gathering. Sorry, with all the content we provide we are already contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Speaking of booze…

Jessica Jones; because you don’t want to hear your Drunckle say: “there can only be one” and know it’s in reference to functional alcoholism.

Tony Stark; Iron man himself. The problem is, he’s so rich that he isn’t impressed by much and lacks an internal monologue. So expect him and your grandma to fight over her “world famous mac n cheese” when he says “world famous? Ha, I’ve never heard of it, let alone you for that matter”. Now that I think about it, it kinda makes sense why Gwyneth Paltrow was cast as his love interest. Have you seen her blog; there is no way she knows the price of a gallon of milk.

Marrow; the whole breaking the wishbone of the turkey ritual just got very awkward.

Squirlgirl; because now-a-days someone is bound to be allergic to pet dander. She’ll also bring a dish that you’ll have to preface with the question: “do you have a peanut allergy?”

Gambit; he’s a particular trouble that can only be described as a sometimes racially ambiguous master theif who’s power set consists of “the ability to charm”. He flirts for sport and most likely carries a years supply of Plan B pills in his trench coat. He’s the Drake of the comic world.

Moira Mactaggert; while presenting her dissertation on “advanced genetics” she’d somehow explain how on paper, eugenics is a “GOOD” idea and that Hitler didn’t have to many “BAD” ideas.

Honorable Mention:

Oracle; if your family is horribly insensitive/inappropriate (like most of us here at THS) dinner would be like the film “The Quite Place” but, everyone is silent in an effort to avoid being the one who asked the “so what’s up with the wheel chair” question. And since she’s essentially the bat-family IT she’ll be overly condescending.

That’s our list of the worst superheroes to bring home for the holidays that we came up with here in the THS writers room. Tell us if you agree with the list, have more people to add on or simply disagree and want to build your own.